What's in a name...er...title?

Of Rain and Basketball
So remember a few days back how I said I wanted to play in the rain? Oh I played in the rain all right! I played in the rain so much I don’t think I ever want to play in the rain again! I had quite an adventure with a few other Helenes on my way back from the USC/UCLA basketball game (which I will get to in a bit). I was soaked from head to toe by the time I got home. First we walked in the wrong direction for a few blocks, then when we finally got oriented again we were trekking through massive puddles. I’m talking lakes in the middle of the road! And yeah, the rain itself soaked me since I am against umbrellas. But really, it was a lot of fun, and I’m nice and dry now, though my hair is still a little damp.

But yeah, the game was phenomenal! Something about me that most people don’t know is that I get crazy involved in the sporting events I go to. And this game was so close that I was going insane. If you missed the game, I feel sorry for you, because it was probably one of the most exciting sporting events I’ve ever seen. But yeah, I was jumping up and down, screaming at the players for messing up, cheering them on at other times, practically falling down to my knees at some frustrating moments, and just going nuts. I think some of the Helenes were even a bit worried about me. But we did win, by one point, in overtime, so it was all good. But I could never begin to describe the tension that was in that place, or the excitement when we won. I’d try to explain the plays and whatnot, but I’m no sports writer, so you’ll just have to read about it in the paper. But just know you missed one hell of a game!

Different smart girl, REALLY stupid choices.
Well today is my best friend’s (well one of my best friends) birthday. And I am not with her, because I am here, at school! Stupid school! But really, even if I was at home it wouldn’t matter because my friend is the queen of making stupid choices when it comes to guys.

She was supposed to hang out with some of her friends and my sister, but she ended up bringing her “boyfriend” with her, the “boyfriend” who stood her up on Valentine’s Day for reasons that I can’t divulge here, but believe me they were some fucked up reasons. Yeah, her friends and my sister, they’re not big fans of this “boyfriend” who I shall heretofore refer to as homewrecker. So yeah, she brings homewrecker over to my house (my house at home...obviously not my apartment here in LA) and he’s all “I hope we’re not staying here long” which is WAY disrespectful, because my friend had made plans with these people NOT him...he probably just called her and begged her to come back to him sometime today, I don’t know, and frankly I don’t care. So yeah, my sister wants to say something and so do the friends, but they don’t. So my mom does. Have I ever mentioned how much I love my mom? If I haven’t, just know that I do, she is by far the coolest mom on the planet. So she basically tells him to chill out, if Tiffany (that’s my friend by the way) wants to hang out with her friends then she can, and he needs to show more respect. So what does the bastard ass homewrecker do? He gets up in my mom’s face . . . . . all I can say is he is DAMN lucky I was not there, because if I had seen him get up in my mom’s face, he would have found himself being pushed very harshly out my front door, over the balcony railing, and flying towards the ground (I live on the second floor). NO ONE disrespects my mother! Now Tiffany and my mom are really tight, Tiff calls her Mom, so I would have expected her to get angry about this. Did she? NOOOOOO! She freaking leaves her friends and the people who REALLY care about her to hang out with this ass.

Now, I could totally understand her doing this if like she had been in this relationship for a while or something. You know sometimes relationships are worth fighting for, especially if you’ve put a lot of time into them. But no, she’s known this fool for like a month, tops. And believe me if you knew WHY he ditched her on Valentine’s Day, you would know that he does not give a shit about her.

So yeah, my beautiful, intelligent, funny, and charming friend, ditched her friends for some loser who she probably met on the bus, who probably doesn’t have a job, obviously has no respect for his elders, and no respect for Tiffany.

I swear to God though, if that fool is still with her when I go up for Spring Break, he is going to regret getting up in MY mom’s face. I’ve only ever been in one fight and I beat the crap out of that guy...I’ll beat the crap out of this guy too!

The world's gift to Briana? Children and Clothes!
I have decided there are two things in this world that are guaranteed to bring me happiness. Children and cheap clothes! I had my first JEP assignment today and it went really well. And the reason that little kids bring me happiness is that one of the little girls I was working with just randomly looked up at me and said, “You’re really pretty.” You ever want to see a girl almost cry with happiness, have a child say that to her. Little Genesis...I owe her for brightening my day!

And cheap clothes! I love shopping, but unfortunately since my little laptop fiasco I have limited means, but tonight I went to the Helenes’ spring cleaning event and I walked away with three cute shirts and a pajama ensemble for a mere $11. AND the tops are incredibly cute. One is a little boobilicious, but considering the fact that I am more than lacking in that department, I don’t mind when I get a little help from well made shirts!

So that is my short little happy post. I think it’s a bit sad that my happy posts are the shortest...but I guess it’s easier to go on for a long time when I’m ranting! Anyway, I just wanted to say yay for wonderful children and cute clothes! And I have, and I am done.

Maybe I should just start walking backwards
You know, I like to think that I am one of those people that only looks forward, but the fact is I look back...a lot. If I were to rate my life, I’d say right now I’m living in the high point. While I’m not ALWAYS happy, cause let’s face it, no one really is (except for those people who have had botched face lifts...oh wait, they’re probably miserable, they just always LOOK happy) I am probably the happiest I’ve ever been. While high school was great as far as the academics and extracurricular stuff went, the social aspects made me fairly miserable, and we won’t even go into the joke that was my childhood, so I’d say now I’m leading the least traumatic part of my life. Yet still, I insist on looking back.

I have actually been thinking a lot about high school friends I have lost touch with. It’s sad really. Because I kind of knew all along that I would only really stay in touch with two people when I graduated, and they are who I’m still in touch with. Everyone else I may randomly talk to sometimes, but that’s really it. Yet today, one of those random people contacted me, and it was cool, and I wonder who’s fault it is that I’m no longer in touch with the others, theirs or mine?

Everyone is busy, lord (notice the lack of capitalization) knows I am, yet is it really so hard to keep in touch with people? Everyone writes it in the yearbooks, KIT! What the flip is that about if no one really means it? I don’t know. Maybe I sometimes miss the simplicity of high school. I go to a school with like 30,000 people. About 99% of those people don’t know who the hell I am. In high school, it was pretty much the opposite. It’s just sad.

Then there are times where I find myself looking not so far back, back to this past summer. Back to Little Boy Blue, as he shall be dubbed from here on out in my blog. If you don’t know who I’m talking about, well then, you must not know me all that well. I don’t know why I would think about that side effect of my temporary insanity, but I do. Meh. I don’t know what the hell I’m talking about, this weekend has gone by so fast because I’ve been so busy that I don’t even know what day it is anymore.

Crap! It’s Sunday, that means tomorrow is Monday, and I have work and JEP tomorrow. Crap, but hey, look at that I’m looking forward. Progress!

Inside? Outside? Who-really-cares-side?
So I went on my Helenes retreat today, or yesterday, what time is it anyway? Eh, whatever, you know what I mean. It was really cool...though I don’t think there was as much bonding as at the EDCO retreat, though that’s probably because it wasn’t an overnight thing, and the Helenes didn’t purposefully try to make you cry! Damn those EDCO people!

But yeah, even though the retreat was fun and all, I still think there is a big divide in the Helenes. It’s kind of like “The Inner Circle” and the rest of the Helenes, and I can already tell which rosebuds are being pulled into the inner circle, and it sure as hell ain’t me! Funny how you can join an organization so you can belong in something, and still you end up feeling like an outcast. (and wow, just as I wrote that the song I’m listening to said “outcast.” –It’s P.O.D.’s “Outkast” in case you were wondering) All well, I didn’t join the Helenes really to belong, I joined because I really like helping out the community. And sure it would be nice to one day be on e-board, but it seems like you have to be a part of “the inner circle” to make it there. All well.

And wow, I really hope that none of those “inner circle” members read this, cause that will certainly make me look bad. Seriously though, don’t get the wrong idea, I love Helenes, but like all things there are divisions. Anyway, I’m not thinking to clearly now, my brain kind of turns off after one. So, until next time, when I’ll bitch about something new. (Maybe I should rename this, “Bitch, bitch, bitch!”)

I'm Only Happy When It Rains
I love the rain. Seriously. I don’t know why everyone hates it so much. I mean, it’s February, a time of rain, and people act like it’s some great big inconvenience. I guess most people would say February is a time of snow...but I’ve only ever lived in California, so snow is an enigma for me, but rain...I’m used to that. Contrary to popular belief it is not sunny all the time in all of California. In the Bay Area, it actually rains...a lot! And I love the rain. I already said that didn’t I? But yeah, I haven’t owned an umbrella for about 6 or 7 years now. There’s no need for it really. Walking through the rain, feeling it drip from my eyelashes and slowly creep up my jeans...I love that feeling. And the feeling of changing out of wet clothes into dry ones...there are very few things in this world that can compare. I only wish I had a fireplace in my apartment, because that would make things perfect.

I remember when I was little and it would rain, my mom would let me go outside and play in it for a little while. I used to hold my arms out and spin around, somehow thinking I could catch the rain if I spun fast enough. I miss those times. I suppose I could go out and play in the rain these days too, but I just don’t think it would have the same meaning; I don’t think it would bring me the same amount of joy.

But yeah, for all those people out there who complain about the rain because it’s cold or icky or because god forbid, it messes up your hair, take a moment and really look at the rain. It has a kind of beauty that can really bring happiness into your soul. Rain replenishes life. And wow, that was way too deep for me, I must be getting tired. So I’ll end here and maybe I’ll go play out in the rain for a little bit!

Smart Girl, Stupid Choices
So Briana has gone and done it again. What, you may ask, has she done again? Well to those of you who ask, I say shut up and read, and you’ll find out! Seriously though, I am notorious for falling for the wrong guys. I either fall for the drug addict, the gay guy (that’s happened way too many times for comfort), the 16 year old (shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!), or the guy who happens to be in love with one of my friends. Now I’ve gone and fallen for a guy who is totally butt-crazy in love with his girlfriend. Yup...Briana sure knows how to pick ‘em.

You know, I don’t even mean to do these things. It’s not like I CHOOSE who I fall for. I’d love to like normal guys who like me back (yeah...cause that’s gonna happen...I have enough trouble finding guys who like me back, period! So far I’ve found the aforementioned drug addict, who only liked me for my body, and the 16 year old...who I swear to God I claim temporary insanity for ever being interested in...and damn was that a grammatically incorrect sentence...and a run-on to boot!) Anyway...what was I saying? Oh yeah...poor me! Is it really true that all of the good ones are taken...or gay? ‘Cause it is really starting to seem that way.

Eh...what do I know...maybe this taken guy is one of the jerks too. Stupid Valentine’s Day...making me think about relationships and stuff. Maybe I should join a culture where there are arranged marriages...then some guy could be forced to marry me! Too drastic? Well sue me, I’m bitter. Seriously...if I don’t have a Valentine next year...I’m going to make it my life’s work to obliterate the holiday, because I’ve been around for almost 20 years now and have still yet to have a Valentine, what’s up with that?

Okay...enough of my bitter singleness. I really am a happy, well-adjusted person most of the time. But when your friends all have boyfriends...not to mention your sister and your MOM, when you yourself have yet to have a relationship that lasted more than 2 weeks...you start to get a complex. Hmm...maybe I should look into that friends setting me up on blind dates thing again. ::flashes back to her last blind date, shudders:: Wait a minute...never mind...I don’t think I’ll EVER do that again...talk about a nightmare.

Okay...I’m done now. I’ll try to be more upbeat in my next entry! I’m sure no one wants to “listen” to me whine...but if that’s true...then why the fuck are you reading this???

How obsessed is too obsessed??
I have come to the conclusion that I am too emotionally involved in TV. Seriously. I’ve always been slightly obsessed with “my shows” as I call them. From Buffy, to Smallville, to Charmed, and the ever missed Roswell...I always loved my shows. But none of those compare to my love for Joan of Arcadia. This may be shocking to some people who know me as a Buffy fanatic. I lived for Buffy. I laughed, cried, and screamed with that show for seven years. But last year it ended, and along came Joan of Arcadia to fill the void.

I know I’m being all dramatic, but I told you, I am emotionally involved. What is it about TV? Even people who aren’t obsessed with shows, they go to movies, or watch an occasional show, and they get sucked in. You care about the characters, you only want what’s best for them, and you feel like you know them. At least that’s how I feel. I cry when they cry, and laugh when they laugh.

Joan of Arcadia makes me more emotional than any other show ever though. Sure there were times where I was near hysterics with Buffy (usually when someone died, don’t even bring up “Becoming Part II”, “The Gift”, or “Seeing Red”) but it seems that every single episode of Joan leaves me in tears at some point.

I think what it is, is the fact that in that show, sure there’s a lot of trauma and trials, but everything boils down to the fact that that family loves each other unconditionally, so tonight, when the family was being torn apart, brother against brother, husband against wife, it tore me apart too. There aren’t many real life examples of true love out there, and it sucks that I have to get that example from TV, but damn it I do, and it sucks when things don’t go well.

But yeah, that was a bit of a random post. Didn’t really have much to say. I was going to write about Friday the 13th and how it is historically a day of bad luck, yet usually a day of good luck for me, but nothing really spectacular happened today, so it was just a day of “meh-ness” Ah, don’t you love making up words. Anyway, until next time (which will probably be tomorrow...the day of death, AKA Valentine’s Day) see ya!

Stupid Ass Homophobes
Well, I went and did something stupid. I watched the news. You know, there’s a reason I avoid it like the plague...it pisses me off! First of all in about a 2 minute time period, I heard about 4 murders, a serial-rapist in a high speed chase, and a group of middle school kids beating up another kid on the bus. Yeah, it’s a great world we live in, isn’t it?

But that’s not even what pissed me off. Here’s a hot topic in the world today: same-sex marriage. Why the fuck do so many people have a problem with it? Today the mayor of San Francisco lifted the ban on gay marriages and allowed a bunch of couples to get legally married, so woo hoo for the mayor of San Francisco, but boo on the government of Beverly Hills. Yeah, a few couples tried to get married down here, they were told no, that the laws were in place for a reason. That reason? “To protect heterosexual marriages.” What the fuck? What cause a group of married homosexuals are going to go and kill the married heterosexuals? I mean seriously, what the fuck do they mean by protect? As one of the men who was trying to get married so eloquently pointed out...what are they trying to protect, drunken marriages made at drive through chapels in Vegas, Britney Spears’ 50-hour marriage? Yeah, cause heterosexual marriage is so sacred these days. There are gay couples out there who have been together for years, for longer than I’ve been alive, but they aren’t allowed the same rights as heterosexual couples, cause they both happen to be of the same sex. I got two words for the government, BULL SHIT!

AND, apparently there’s a group of “conservative” people, as the news called them, I’d call them assholes, who are pushing to make the marriages that did happen today be seen as a sham. What the fuck are they so afraid of? Love is love is love! If two people want to get married, two people who are of sound mind and body, two people who aren’t drunk, two people who respect each other and love each other and know each other, two people who aren’t hurting anyone by being together...if they want to get married, then who the fuck is anyone else to stand in their way?

GOD! Yes, I’m calling on God, because that’s who these assholes use to back up their argument. With all the hate that goes on in this world, all the murder, all the rape, all the lying, and cheating, and stealing, do you really think that God is going to get angry because two people who love each other are going to be legally bound to one another? Is this wonderful God of theirs really going to send someone to Hell for loving someone? I don’t know what kind of fucked up God they have, but MY God would certainly never do that.

Okay, now that I’ve gotten myself worked up, I think I’ll stop. Oh, and as for the swearing, know that if I was in a discussion with an actual person, and not just venting, I would not do that. It really only makes me look ignorant...but the fact is, I swear when I’m mad, and damn it, I’m pissed off!

The Story of B, Jerk, and Lil Sis
So I probably should be doing some kind of work right now. Possibly reading, working on that short story that is due in another few weeks, but lord knows how fast that will sneak up on me, or maybe working on that essay that’s due next week...but who works on an essay that far in advance? Yeah...I really should be reading though, but hey, I have everything that’s due tomorrow done already, granted if I don’t do that reading for Thursday tonight, then I’ll be up for most of the night tomorrow doing it, especially since I have some Helenes thing tomorrow. Yeah, don’t you love how I procrastinate by talking about how I’m procrastinating? It’s really a wonderful form of the art, cause seriously, procrastination? It’s an art.

Anyway, right now I have one thing on my mind, and while I’ve written about it countless times in my actual diary, I figure I should put it on here too, cause it’s plaguing me. Though, by putting it on here I risk the person it is about seeing it, but, meh, I don’t really care...the bastard can see what I really think of him.

Yup...the bastard. This is a slightly serious entry, and it’s only my second one! You can see how quickly I jump into things. So let’s say there’s this hypothetical situation concerning three people, who we shall call “B” “Jerk” and “Lil Sis.” So a long, long time ago, in a land far away, okay...so first grade, B meets Jerk. B likes Jerk, Jerk likes B, but nothing ever really comes of this. B and Jerk grow up and they really like each other, but again, nothing comes of it. Then one day B tells Jerk that she loves him, Jerk loves B too...everything is happy, except B and Jerk decide that they should not get together so as not to jeopardize the relationship. However, eventually B decides she doesn’t even really like Jerk as any more than a friend, and eventually tells him so. Jerk still appears to be in love with B, which is sad, but what are you gonna do? Anyway, Lil Sis doesn’t believe B when she says that she doesn’t like Jerk, Lil Sis goes on and on about how B still likes him and they’ll get married one day and la de da de da. B says Lil Sis is a moron.

Skip ahead a couple months, B gives Lil Sis Jerk’s screen name so that Lil Sis can annoy him. Lil Sis and Jerk start talking, then one day Jerk stops by B’s former house, and apparently some stuff goes down between Lil Sis and Jerk, stuff that B would rather not think about because it’s just icky. Now B really doesn’t have feelings for Jerk, but is still pissed by this. She is pissed mostly at Jerk, but a little bit at Lil Sis, mostly because B did once like Jerk a lot, a “first love” kind of a lot, and that’s just not something sister’s do. Also Lil Sis really believed that B still did like Jerk, so that’s REALLY messed up. However, most of B’s anger is directed towards Jerk, 1) Because Lil Sis is only 15, while he is almost 20, and that’s just icky, 2) Because whether there was a sorta relationship there or not, it still remains that Lil Sis is B’s LITTLE SIS and Jerk is B’s friend, and that’s just not right, 3) Because Jerk is supposedly supposed to really care about B, and messing around with her Lil Sis isn’t exactly a cool thing to do, 4) Because that’s way shady to Lil Sis, he couldn’t have B, so he settled for mini-B? Whether that’s how it is or not, that’s still pretty fucked up, 5) Jerk and B made the decision not to get together because they didn’t want to mess with the friendship, but by starting a relationship with Lil Sis, Jerk did just that. If they were to get serious then break up, B would take Lil Sis’ side, and Jerk and B’s friendship would cease to be, apparently B’s friendship doesn’t mean that much to Jerk though, and finally 6) Jerk still hasn’t even had the decency to TELL B about it, Lil Sis told B, after being eaten away by the guilt, so far Jerk has shown no such guilt.

Now...B found out about this a couple weeks ago, but it is on B’s mind tonight because Lil Sis was just saying that Jerk is mad at her (Lil Sis) because Lil Sis is now interested in someone else. What does B have to say to this? Ha freaking Ha! That’s what Jerk gets, Lil Sis is a 15 freaking year old, fickle girl...she goes through guys faster than some people go through toilet paper. B knew this was going to happen, and that is why she laughed when she originally found out about the hook up, cause while it hurt, it was also freaking hilarious. I just love Karma, I mean “B” loves Karma!

First Post YAY!
I’ve been keeping a diary for the past 9 years. That’s almost half my life. Occasionally I would let one of my friends read it, but not really recently. People grow up, their inner most thoughts change, and they may not want to share those thoughts with everyone anymore. Not even their closest friends. To me a diary is incredibly personal. I’ve written mean things about people, personal things about myself, and things that are so embarrassing I would rather die before I let ANYONE read them. That’s why this idea of a blog was the strangest thing in the world to me. Why would anyone want to put their personal, private thoughts for the world to see? I guess not everyone does. They may write about normal day to day happenings while inside they’re dying, but you wouldn’t be able to tell from their recent post. And I suppose I could do that as well. But I’m a writer, and it’s hard for me to keep emotion out of my writing. And really what’s the point of having one of these things if the people who read it can’t learn anything about you? Meh...I suppose I’ll just write, and I’ll save those “I’d rather die than have anyone know this” things for my personal diary, but those things that are personal, yet I wouldn’t mind people knowing about...those can go here. So yeah, that was a fairly pointless, and probably grammatically unsound little piece of writing. But hey look at me, I have a blog!