Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Life is SO Complicated
I can’t really go into WHY life is complicated because I don’t know who may read this and I don’t want people finding out things from my online journal rather than from me myself, but let’s just say that my life has become super complicated and I hate it. I mean, I like my life...I’ve actually been really happy lately. I like my job, I’ve been hanging out with friends and having fun...but life is just complicated. Plus I think that Charms may not like me anymore...I haven’t talked to him in two weeks...and what makes me even more concerned is that I’m actually kind of okay with that. Maybe I didn’t feel as strongly about him as I thought I did...but then sometimes I think about the times I spent with him and I know he made me almost happier than I’ve ever been...and then complications arise. And I’ve probably confused the hell out of anyone who read this...so I’ll just stop and say...life sure can be a bitch sometimes.
I can’t really go into WHY life is complicated because I don’t know who may read this and I don’t want people finding out things from my online journal rather than from me myself, but let’s just say that my life has become super complicated and I hate it. I mean, I like my life...I’ve actually been really happy lately. I like my job, I’ve been hanging out with friends and having fun...but life is just complicated. Plus I think that Charms may not like me anymore...I haven’t talked to him in two weeks...and what makes me even more concerned is that I’m actually kind of okay with that. Maybe I didn’t feel as strongly about him as I thought I did...but then sometimes I think about the times I spent with him and I know he made me almost happier than I’ve ever been...and then complications arise. And I’ve probably confused the hell out of anyone who read this...so I’ll just stop and say...life sure can be a bitch sometimes.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Blah
Yeah...not the most exciting title ever...but I just though "I hate my asshole father" and "Not having a job sucks ass" was a bit too much. There was also the option of "I miss Charms more than I ever imagined I would" but that just seems a bit telling, don’t you think? And if there’s one thing I learned in all my years in English class it’s to "show not tell" though I suppose Blah doesn’t really do that. Sigh. Anywho...let’s address each thing at a time, shall we? Numero Uno...Asshole Fathers.
So yeah, my Dad cut me off last year, right? He said it was he couldn’t afford to help me with my rent anymore. Well I found out that was a lie. He told me himself why he stopped giving me money...and it is the pettiest shit I have ever heard. I don’t feel like going into on here...but believe me...when he told me my only reaction was, how childish can you get? I mean...this man is supposed to be my father...it is his JOB to provide for me...but instead he acted like a little kid and forced me to basically starve for a semester, because I only worked enough to be able to pay my rent and phone bill with maybe $50 bucks left over each month. AND he didn’t even have the balls to tell me the truth...he lied and said he couldn’t afford to help me. Well, you know what? I don’t NEED him. I survived this year just fine without him and I’ll survive the rest of my life without him. Besides those couple of years where he helped me out with rent he has done NOTHING for me...and I really could give a shit if I never see him again. He won’t be invited to my wedding...my brother can walk me down the aisle...he’ll never see his grandkids...from here on out, he’s dead to me. In the past, saying that would have hurt me...but now, I’m just so sick of being the adult in our relationship that I really don’t care anymore.
Now...not having a job...I actually did get one...but I can’t start until Friday, so here goes another week of having no money. Eventually I’m going to have to pay my bills...and I really do want to try to go down to L.A. at least once this summer...so hopefully I’ll start working and they’ll give me lots and lots of hours. :)
And Charms...well...let’s just say I miss him and leave it at that. :)
So yeah, that’s my summer. I no longer have a father...I should be working soon...and I miss my non-boyfriend...though trying to explain to any of my friends (or my mom for that matter) that he’s not my boyfriend is a bitch. They’re always like...it sounds like he’s your boyfriend...but yeah, I’d rather not talk about that...because then I just get confused. Anywho...how many more days until school starts again? Hee.
Yeah...not the most exciting title ever...but I just though "I hate my asshole father" and "Not having a job sucks ass" was a bit too much. There was also the option of "I miss Charms more than I ever imagined I would" but that just seems a bit telling, don’t you think? And if there’s one thing I learned in all my years in English class it’s to "show not tell" though I suppose Blah doesn’t really do that. Sigh. Anywho...let’s address each thing at a time, shall we? Numero Uno...Asshole Fathers.
So yeah, my Dad cut me off last year, right? He said it was he couldn’t afford to help me with my rent anymore. Well I found out that was a lie. He told me himself why he stopped giving me money...and it is the pettiest shit I have ever heard. I don’t feel like going into on here...but believe me...when he told me my only reaction was, how childish can you get? I mean...this man is supposed to be my father...it is his JOB to provide for me...but instead he acted like a little kid and forced me to basically starve for a semester, because I only worked enough to be able to pay my rent and phone bill with maybe $50 bucks left over each month. AND he didn’t even have the balls to tell me the truth...he lied and said he couldn’t afford to help me. Well, you know what? I don’t NEED him. I survived this year just fine without him and I’ll survive the rest of my life without him. Besides those couple of years where he helped me out with rent he has done NOTHING for me...and I really could give a shit if I never see him again. He won’t be invited to my wedding...my brother can walk me down the aisle...he’ll never see his grandkids...from here on out, he’s dead to me. In the past, saying that would have hurt me...but now, I’m just so sick of being the adult in our relationship that I really don’t care anymore.
Now...not having a job...I actually did get one...but I can’t start until Friday, so here goes another week of having no money. Eventually I’m going to have to pay my bills...and I really do want to try to go down to L.A. at least once this summer...so hopefully I’ll start working and they’ll give me lots and lots of hours. :)
And Charms...well...let’s just say I miss him and leave it at that. :)
So yeah, that’s my summer. I no longer have a father...I should be working soon...and I miss my non-boyfriend...though trying to explain to any of my friends (or my mom for that matter) that he’s not my boyfriend is a bitch. They’re always like...it sounds like he’s your boyfriend...but yeah, I’d rather not talk about that...because then I just get confused. Anywho...how many more days until school starts again? Hee.
