Friday, January 14, 2005
Real Friends?
Do you ever feel like the people you are hanging out with don’t really like you? Not like they don’t like you, but that they don’t really feel either way for you, you’re just kind of there? I feel that way a lot. It’s like I hang out with people who I consider friends, but I don’t think they really think of me as a friend. It feels more like they tolerate me while I’m around, and it’s just a crappy feeling. I feel like I really only have four friends in this world: my best friend back home, my sister, him, and my mom. Everybody else are people who deal with me.
I don’t know, I guess that’s not really true. There are people here who I think of as friends, like Meghan and Brenda, and my lil’ sis, Christine, but I just don’t know. I think I’m also kind of bummed out because tonight I went ice skating with some of the Helenes, and then went to dinner, and I realized I was with all E-board members and it just made me sad. I wanted to be a part of that so much, and I’m not . . . and I never will be. I just don’t understand why it’s so easy for other people to make friends or why it’s so hard for people to be my friend. I know that I’m a little different in that I don’t drink, and I get the feeling sometimes feel uncomfortable around me because of that, but that sucks. It’s like just because I don’t drink they feel they can’t hang out with me. I can be around people who are drinking and I’m fine, but I guess some people don’t feel comfortable getting drunk when there is someone around who isn’t.
I’m just so homesick, I miss him, I miss my sister, I miss Scooter, my sister’s dog. I miss falling asleep in his arms and I miss feeling like I belong when I’m hanging out with people. I love school, I really, really do, but sometimes I just feel like I don’t really belong here.
Do you ever feel like the people you are hanging out with don’t really like you? Not like they don’t like you, but that they don’t really feel either way for you, you’re just kind of there? I feel that way a lot. It’s like I hang out with people who I consider friends, but I don’t think they really think of me as a friend. It feels more like they tolerate me while I’m around, and it’s just a crappy feeling. I feel like I really only have four friends in this world: my best friend back home, my sister, him, and my mom. Everybody else are people who deal with me.
I don’t know, I guess that’s not really true. There are people here who I think of as friends, like Meghan and Brenda, and my lil’ sis, Christine, but I just don’t know. I think I’m also kind of bummed out because tonight I went ice skating with some of the Helenes, and then went to dinner, and I realized I was with all E-board members and it just made me sad. I wanted to be a part of that so much, and I’m not . . . and I never will be. I just don’t understand why it’s so easy for other people to make friends or why it’s so hard for people to be my friend. I know that I’m a little different in that I don’t drink, and I get the feeling sometimes feel uncomfortable around me because of that, but that sucks. It’s like just because I don’t drink they feel they can’t hang out with me. I can be around people who are drinking and I’m fine, but I guess some people don’t feel comfortable getting drunk when there is someone around who isn’t.
I’m just so homesick, I miss him, I miss my sister, I miss Scooter, my sister’s dog. I miss falling asleep in his arms and I miss feeling like I belong when I’m hanging out with people. I love school, I really, really do, but sometimes I just feel like I don’t really belong here.
Monday, January 10, 2005
Two Months of Junk
Well, it’s been almost two months since the last time I wrote. So let’s see: I did not get the Helenes E-Board position, but I am a-ok with that. I can still be super involved with the organization even if I’m not one of those special few. In fact, I was Helene of the Semester last semester because of how involved I am, so woo-hoo. In football news, the Trojans beat Notre Dame and UCLA, and I still didn’t have my over 50 score, but then to my surprise and delight, I got what I had been waiting for all season in the championship game. We annihilated OU in the Orange Bowl. They got the first touchdown then we had like the next six or something crazy like that. Anyway, the ending score was 55-19 (OU managed a field goal, a safety, and then another touchdown after our second string was in.) So I finally got my score of over 50, it was nice.
Besides that stuff, I survived finals and have spent the last month at home relaxing with him. It wasn’t the best it could have been. We actually had our share of fights, but we always made up and I still love him as much as I ever did and miss him now that I’m back at school. But I did have some good news today that is good news for us as well. I’ve been super worried about whether or not I was going to still have my job because my work study ran out, but when I went into work today they said that the school is going to pay my salary and I’m not limited to 20 hours a week anymore. That means I am spending every hour that I am not in class at work, which means I’ll actually be able to save money instead of just spending it all on my bills. I’ll be able to go home for Spring Break and my birthday for sure, and I’m hoping that I can even fly up for Valentine’s Day. Maybe for the first time in my life, Valentine’s Day won’t be the most depressing day of the year. Maybe I’ll be able to spend it with him.
Anyway, you’d figure an entry on two months of stuff would be longer, but I guess my life isn’t that eventful!
Well, it’s been almost two months since the last time I wrote. So let’s see: I did not get the Helenes E-Board position, but I am a-ok with that. I can still be super involved with the organization even if I’m not one of those special few. In fact, I was Helene of the Semester last semester because of how involved I am, so woo-hoo. In football news, the Trojans beat Notre Dame and UCLA, and I still didn’t have my over 50 score, but then to my surprise and delight, I got what I had been waiting for all season in the championship game. We annihilated OU in the Orange Bowl. They got the first touchdown then we had like the next six or something crazy like that. Anyway, the ending score was 55-19 (OU managed a field goal, a safety, and then another touchdown after our second string was in.) So I finally got my score of over 50, it was nice.
Besides that stuff, I survived finals and have spent the last month at home relaxing with him. It wasn’t the best it could have been. We actually had our share of fights, but we always made up and I still love him as much as I ever did and miss him now that I’m back at school. But I did have some good news today that is good news for us as well. I’ve been super worried about whether or not I was going to still have my job because my work study ran out, but when I went into work today they said that the school is going to pay my salary and I’m not limited to 20 hours a week anymore. That means I am spending every hour that I am not in class at work, which means I’ll actually be able to save money instead of just spending it all on my bills. I’ll be able to go home for Spring Break and my birthday for sure, and I’m hoping that I can even fly up for Valentine’s Day. Maybe for the first time in my life, Valentine’s Day won’t be the most depressing day of the year. Maybe I’ll be able to spend it with him.
Anyway, you’d figure an entry on two months of stuff would be longer, but I guess my life isn’t that eventful!
