Tuesday, August 31, 2004
Phone Calls
I feel a lot better than I felt the last time I wrote. The crying really did just stem from not talking to him. I didn’t hear from him for five days and then he called me on Sunday. I felt a hundred-thousand times better after that. It’s amazing that I can just hear his voice and everything seems to get better. I think I can handle being away from him, as long as I can still talk to him. Anyway, he had a lot going on in his life and was trying to get everything settled, which is why he hadn’t called. I kind of let him know that it makes me a nutcase when he doesn’t call, so that even if he just calls in the middle of the day to leave me a message, that will be enough for me.
Speaking of phone calls though, I got an interesting one yesterday. You need some background first before I go into it though. Earlier this summer, my friends and I went to play pool and while we were there we overheard two guys arguing. Apparently one of them had lost the pool game and didn’t want to pay up. So, being the nosy people that we are...we got into it. Long story short, we ended up playing a game against the one who had lost on the grounds that if we won, he’d have to pay, and if we lost, he wouldn’t. We won. And that is how I met...we’ll call him Sweetie...cause that’s what he is. Anyway, I thought Sweetie was cute, but that day we met was actually the day after I had hooked up with Him, so I was kind of trying to figure that whole thing out...so instead my sister went in for the kill.
We started hanging out with Sweetie from time to time and I was encouraging him to make a move on my sister, because I thought she was kind of in to him...turns out, I was wrong. Anyway, he kept hanging around and I finally told him that I didn’t think he had a chance and I was sorry. Heather just wasn’t in to the nice guys (which is now not true, because she has a VERY nice boyfriend.) Anyway, Sweetie still hung out with us, which I thought was odd, because Heather pretty much ignored him.
Then one day I get a phone call...not the aforementioned phone call, this one was sometime during summer. Anyway, he had called me one or two times before then to ask me if I wanted to hang out, which I found odd, because he usually called Heather if he wanted to hang out with us. Well this time when he called he asked if he could tell me something if I would promise not to tell anyone else. I said of course, thinking I could play counselor. Turns out, I couldn’t. He told me that the reason he was still hanging around was because he liked me. I was a little surprised, but at the same time I had kind of suspected. I told him that that was sweet and maybe if things were different I would feel differently, but that I was (and still am) completely in love with my boyfriend.
So he’s called a couple times since then...but last night he called and I played counselor. He told me tons of stuff about his life that was just mind blowing. It’s not the first time I’ve had someone I barely know pour their heart out to me...I guess I have a welcoming aura or something...but it was still a little weird. I did my best to listen and help him out, but it was still kind of strange. I mean, Sweetie is really sweet...but even if He wasn’t in the picture, I can’t actually see anything happening with us. And I think that Sweetie is hanging onto the fact that he has a chance. Still, if I can be a friend to him and help him out, then I guess that is good.
Anyway, I kind of just realized that I had promised not to tell anyone that he liked me (and I haven’t...I haven’t told my sister or my friends or anyone) and I kind of just posted it on my blog...but I don’t think anyone who knows him actually reads this, so I guess it is okay. Anyway, I just felt like sharing that little story and also I find it odd that guys like me now that I have a boyfriend when they never did before. Irony is such a bitch.
I feel a lot better than I felt the last time I wrote. The crying really did just stem from not talking to him. I didn’t hear from him for five days and then he called me on Sunday. I felt a hundred-thousand times better after that. It’s amazing that I can just hear his voice and everything seems to get better. I think I can handle being away from him, as long as I can still talk to him. Anyway, he had a lot going on in his life and was trying to get everything settled, which is why he hadn’t called. I kind of let him know that it makes me a nutcase when he doesn’t call, so that even if he just calls in the middle of the day to leave me a message, that will be enough for me.
Speaking of phone calls though, I got an interesting one yesterday. You need some background first before I go into it though. Earlier this summer, my friends and I went to play pool and while we were there we overheard two guys arguing. Apparently one of them had lost the pool game and didn’t want to pay up. So, being the nosy people that we are...we got into it. Long story short, we ended up playing a game against the one who had lost on the grounds that if we won, he’d have to pay, and if we lost, he wouldn’t. We won. And that is how I met...we’ll call him Sweetie...cause that’s what he is. Anyway, I thought Sweetie was cute, but that day we met was actually the day after I had hooked up with Him, so I was kind of trying to figure that whole thing out...so instead my sister went in for the kill.
We started hanging out with Sweetie from time to time and I was encouraging him to make a move on my sister, because I thought she was kind of in to him...turns out, I was wrong. Anyway, he kept hanging around and I finally told him that I didn’t think he had a chance and I was sorry. Heather just wasn’t in to the nice guys (which is now not true, because she has a VERY nice boyfriend.) Anyway, Sweetie still hung out with us, which I thought was odd, because Heather pretty much ignored him.
Then one day I get a phone call...not the aforementioned phone call, this one was sometime during summer. Anyway, he had called me one or two times before then to ask me if I wanted to hang out, which I found odd, because he usually called Heather if he wanted to hang out with us. Well this time when he called he asked if he could tell me something if I would promise not to tell anyone else. I said of course, thinking I could play counselor. Turns out, I couldn’t. He told me that the reason he was still hanging around was because he liked me. I was a little surprised, but at the same time I had kind of suspected. I told him that that was sweet and maybe if things were different I would feel differently, but that I was (and still am) completely in love with my boyfriend.
So he’s called a couple times since then...but last night he called and I played counselor. He told me tons of stuff about his life that was just mind blowing. It’s not the first time I’ve had someone I barely know pour their heart out to me...I guess I have a welcoming aura or something...but it was still a little weird. I did my best to listen and help him out, but it was still kind of strange. I mean, Sweetie is really sweet...but even if He wasn’t in the picture, I can’t actually see anything happening with us. And I think that Sweetie is hanging onto the fact that he has a chance. Still, if I can be a friend to him and help him out, then I guess that is good.
Anyway, I kind of just realized that I had promised not to tell anyone that he liked me (and I haven’t...I haven’t told my sister or my friends or anyone) and I kind of just posted it on my blog...but I don’t think anyone who knows him actually reads this, so I guess it is okay. Anyway, I just felt like sharing that little story and also I find it odd that guys like me now that I have a boyfriend when they never did before. Irony is such a bitch.
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Emotional Nutcase
You know, I don’t know what’s wrong with me these days. Sometimes I just randomly burst into tears. Well not randomly, there’s always a reason, but it’s just completely uncontrollable. Like a week ago when I was crying every night...I knew why, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop it.
And now tonight I did it again. Well, I’m automatically on the sad side because I haven’t talked to him in two days. You know it really sucks with him not having a number I can reach him at. That means that I’m the one waiting for him to call me. Granted, I’m usually pretty busy with something or another, but that doesn’t mean that in the back of my mind I’m not thinking about him and the next time I’ll hear his voice. So yeah, he didn’t call yesterday, and it’s pretty much past the time that he would call me tonight, so I’m sad. So I decide to call my mom and she answers the phone all snotty and says, "Where are you walking now?"
Now it is true that I call her whenever I am walking somewhere (it makes me feel safer if I’m talking on the phone...I don’t feel so alone), but that’s not the only time I call her. But yeah, she says that to me and I just start crying. That’s friggin’ weird. I don’t cry over stupid stuff like that. I mean, what the hell? I’ve been through with puberty for quite a few years now, and it’s not even that time of the month. This overly emotional shit is getting on my nerves.
Anyway, I know it’s mostly because I miss him. It’s been 4 ½ days since I’ve seen him and it’s already almost too hard. I really don’t know how people do this. If anyone is reading this who has survived or is surviving a long distance relationship, words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated...because right now this kind of stinks.
You know, I don’t know what’s wrong with me these days. Sometimes I just randomly burst into tears. Well not randomly, there’s always a reason, but it’s just completely uncontrollable. Like a week ago when I was crying every night...I knew why, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t stop it.
And now tonight I did it again. Well, I’m automatically on the sad side because I haven’t talked to him in two days. You know it really sucks with him not having a number I can reach him at. That means that I’m the one waiting for him to call me. Granted, I’m usually pretty busy with something or another, but that doesn’t mean that in the back of my mind I’m not thinking about him and the next time I’ll hear his voice. So yeah, he didn’t call yesterday, and it’s pretty much past the time that he would call me tonight, so I’m sad. So I decide to call my mom and she answers the phone all snotty and says, "Where are you walking now?"
Now it is true that I call her whenever I am walking somewhere (it makes me feel safer if I’m talking on the phone...I don’t feel so alone), but that’s not the only time I call her. But yeah, she says that to me and I just start crying. That’s friggin’ weird. I don’t cry over stupid stuff like that. I mean, what the hell? I’ve been through with puberty for quite a few years now, and it’s not even that time of the month. This overly emotional shit is getting on my nerves.
Anyway, I know it’s mostly because I miss him. It’s been 4 ½ days since I’ve seen him and it’s already almost too hard. I really don’t know how people do this. If anyone is reading this who has survived or is surviving a long distance relationship, words of encouragement would be greatly appreciated...because right now this kind of stinks.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Back to School
It’s amazing how easy it is to get right back in the swing of things. I arrived back at school, after a week back at home, on Sunday afternoon. The next morning it was back to class and it feels like I never left. I already have a load of homework that should be making me cry, except for my new resolve.
I have goals this year. I don’t know if I’ll stick to the goals, but I have them. Basically, I will set myself a certain amount of homework to do each day, and I will do it. I will not go to sleep until it is done. I would like to strive for 7-8 hours of sleep a night, but that is a secondary goal. The other half of my goal is that in doing this assigned homework each night, I will not have to do any work on the weekends.
Do I sound slightly crazy? Sure. Do I think I can do it? Definitely. Do I think I will do it? Only time will tell.
One thing though...by sticking to this slightly insane schedule, I don’t give myself much time to think about anything other than school. This is a good thing since he plagues my thoughts constantly. I miss him so much and I can’t believe that it may be three months before I will be back in his arms where I belong. I know so many people who have maintained long distance relationships for quite a few years now, but it’s only been two days and I already feel like I’m going to crack. I don’t know how others do it, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to do it either...but I will.
Thank goodness I have school to distract me.
It’s amazing how easy it is to get right back in the swing of things. I arrived back at school, after a week back at home, on Sunday afternoon. The next morning it was back to class and it feels like I never left. I already have a load of homework that should be making me cry, except for my new resolve.
I have goals this year. I don’t know if I’ll stick to the goals, but I have them. Basically, I will set myself a certain amount of homework to do each day, and I will do it. I will not go to sleep until it is done. I would like to strive for 7-8 hours of sleep a night, but that is a secondary goal. The other half of my goal is that in doing this assigned homework each night, I will not have to do any work on the weekends.
Do I sound slightly crazy? Sure. Do I think I can do it? Definitely. Do I think I will do it? Only time will tell.
One thing though...by sticking to this slightly insane schedule, I don’t give myself much time to think about anything other than school. This is a good thing since he plagues my thoughts constantly. I miss him so much and I can’t believe that it may be three months before I will be back in his arms where I belong. I know so many people who have maintained long distance relationships for quite a few years now, but it’s only been two days and I already feel like I’m going to crack. I don’t know how others do it, and I don’t know how I’ll be able to do it either...but I will.
Thank goodness I have school to distract me.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
RA Training = Not So Bad
Originally I had planned to write a entry about how much it sucks to be at RA Training when you are an alternate, but over the past few days it has actually gotten a lot better. At first we were being left out of everything and it seemed like we were tag alongs when we were asked to go places. We even had someone try to entertain us by running her errands (and I am not joking). However, all of us alternates have banded together and actually have a pretty good group dynamic. As this group dynamic got stronger, we got more positive, and people started noticing the somewhat less than desirable situation we were in, and were really nice to us. We got to poke fun at our position as an alternate in an awesome skit, we don’t have our entire night eaten away by activities, so instead hang out together. Overall, it’s been pretty okay. In about an hour I’m off to a bonfire with the group, while the RAs go on a dinner cruise. Sure, when you compare the two, it’s not that great, but everyone was really nice about letting us decide what we wanted to do instead. I’m going to have a lot of fun tonight, with my new cool group of friends. And I’m sure eventually, all of us will have RA spots, because dammit, we deserve them!
Originally I had planned to write a entry about how much it sucks to be at RA Training when you are an alternate, but over the past few days it has actually gotten a lot better. At first we were being left out of everything and it seemed like we were tag alongs when we were asked to go places. We even had someone try to entertain us by running her errands (and I am not joking). However, all of us alternates have banded together and actually have a pretty good group dynamic. As this group dynamic got stronger, we got more positive, and people started noticing the somewhat less than desirable situation we were in, and were really nice to us. We got to poke fun at our position as an alternate in an awesome skit, we don’t have our entire night eaten away by activities, so instead hang out together. Overall, it’s been pretty okay. In about an hour I’m off to a bonfire with the group, while the RAs go on a dinner cruise. Sure, when you compare the two, it’s not that great, but everyone was really nice about letting us decide what we wanted to do instead. I’m going to have a lot of fun tonight, with my new cool group of friends. And I’m sure eventually, all of us will have RA spots, because dammit, we deserve them!
Friday, August 06, 2004
In Love
Well it’s been quite a while since my last blog, and unfortunately, August didn’t stay in the future forever and I am back at school and away from him. He is my boyfriend and that’s all I will refer to him as. I like giving guys nicknames on here, but I just can’t think of a fitting one for him, except "him." Because half the time when I talk about him I don’t need to specify who I am talking about . . . everyone knows.
Being in my first serious relationship has certainly been a learning experience. There have been times where I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel any happier and there have been times where I didn’t think I could feel any worse. It’s amazing how much someone can hurt you when you love them . . . and ow quickly you forgive them for that very same reason.
Yes, I am in love. For a long time now I believed that I would never live to see the day that I could say that, but he’s changed it all. We face our share of problems, more than an average couple may have to face, but we’ve managed. People have said that I’ve changed a lot because of him, and I’m sure it’s true. However, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. I’m still me at my very core, except for the first time in my life I feel truly loved. He’s given me something that no one else has ever been able to give me. I finally feel like I come first in someone’s life. It’s a good feeling.
Unfortunately, I’m now separated from him. I’m going back home in a week, but only for a few days, and then I’ll have to deal with only seeing him on select weekends until winter break roles around. It’s a crappy situation, and I think it sucks a little more for him. At least I have school to distract me while I’m away from him. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss him though. I miss him so much my whole body aches.
People have been telling me that I could do better. That pisses me off. Everyone looks at him and sees and image . . . they don’t see the way he looks at me. They don’t feel the way he makes me feel. They don’t hear the things he says to me. They don’t know. People just don’t know. I know that my friends and family love me and they just want what’s best for me. I think they always expected me to meet that special person while I was in college. An educated man with a strong family background . . . not someone from the world I’ve always lived in. Hell, I always thought I’d fall for that other guy. But I didn’t . . . I fell for him. And I wouldn’t give that up for anything.
I was actually planning to talk a little about my RA Training process and how much it sucks, but I guess I’ll save that for tomorrow’s entry . . . because I’m going to actually try to be consistent now. HA!
Well it’s been quite a while since my last blog, and unfortunately, August didn’t stay in the future forever and I am back at school and away from him. He is my boyfriend and that’s all I will refer to him as. I like giving guys nicknames on here, but I just can’t think of a fitting one for him, except "him." Because half the time when I talk about him I don’t need to specify who I am talking about . . . everyone knows.
Being in my first serious relationship has certainly been a learning experience. There have been times where I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel any happier and there have been times where I didn’t think I could feel any worse. It’s amazing how much someone can hurt you when you love them . . . and ow quickly you forgive them for that very same reason.
Yes, I am in love. For a long time now I believed that I would never live to see the day that I could say that, but he’s changed it all. We face our share of problems, more than an average couple may have to face, but we’ve managed. People have said that I’ve changed a lot because of him, and I’m sure it’s true. However, I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. I’m still me at my very core, except for the first time in my life I feel truly loved. He’s given me something that no one else has ever been able to give me. I finally feel like I come first in someone’s life. It’s a good feeling.
Unfortunately, I’m now separated from him. I’m going back home in a week, but only for a few days, and then I’ll have to deal with only seeing him on select weekends until winter break roles around. It’s a crappy situation, and I think it sucks a little more for him. At least I have school to distract me while I’m away from him. That doesn’t mean I don’t miss him though. I miss him so much my whole body aches.
People have been telling me that I could do better. That pisses me off. Everyone looks at him and sees and image . . . they don’t see the way he looks at me. They don’t feel the way he makes me feel. They don’t hear the things he says to me. They don’t know. People just don’t know. I know that my friends and family love me and they just want what’s best for me. I think they always expected me to meet that special person while I was in college. An educated man with a strong family background . . . not someone from the world I’ve always lived in. Hell, I always thought I’d fall for that other guy. But I didn’t . . . I fell for him. And I wouldn’t give that up for anything.
I was actually planning to talk a little about my RA Training process and how much it sucks, but I guess I’ll save that for tomorrow’s entry . . . because I’m going to actually try to be consistent now. HA!
